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Friday, February 12, 2010

Everybody Makes Mistakes: Why We Are All Sexual Miscreants

One thing that consistently bothers me about critics of the abstinence crusade and virgins in general, as well as those that are just generally apathetic about sexual morality, is the false presupposition that all those that choose to remain virgins somehow think they are better than non-virgins; and on the flip side, those that are non-virgins are somehow “second-tier” or “used goods”. Let me clearly explain to those that may think this: firstly contrary to popular belief not all volitional virgins have holier-than-thou complexes judging everyone around them and secondly every post-pubescent individual is guilty of being a sexual miscreant. Let me explain.

It’s like when certain people that cuss around me then all the sudden apologize to me for doing so. Huh? I hadn't said a single word about their language, didn’t utter an ounce of disapproval, and I didn’t acknowledge any infraction. Yet they felt the need to apologize to me as if I was some sort of moral police force ready to crack down. The same can be said for people that presuppose all volitional virgins automatically think evil thoughts about people that aren’t virgins anymore, or that somehow they’re better than them. Sure some probably are self righteous (hurting themselves in the process), but a lot have no intention of exposing guilt or shame of any kind, sort of like how I have no negative intentions towards people that cuss around me. So this business that we all think we’re better than then non-virgins, like the curser totally on their own thinks they have to apologize around a non-curser, I think is self-motivated and just comes from an internal conviction – and that they’re just projecting that conviction onto an easy target; i.e. the “prudish” virgin. By projecting the morality police card on someone else, however false it may be, they avoid having to deal with it themselves; their own guilt and shame that comes naturally from certain sexual decisions we make. But I want to put to rest once and for all that I somehow think I’m better than a non-virgin, or somehow that I deserve a pure girl myself because of how “good” I’ve been. That’s freaking balderdash, it certainly voids Christian grace (and any accurate understanding of it altogether), and I think it’s just a defense mechanism anti-abstinence people use to avoid dealing with one’s own issues and regrets. Sorry to call you all out...I'm not normally this offensive.

This whole argument of someone being better is moot though when we get to the core issue; that we’re all sexually abject. Oh I used to think that because I hadn’t had sex, heck even kissed a girl till I was 24, that I was somehow “pure”. Sure, not engaging in sexual relations with a girl before being married does retain with it a sense of purity, innocence, pious self-control, and divine obedience – at least experientially, relationally, and physically. That said, it is by far no get-out-of-jail-free card regarding sexual sin as a whole – perhaps contrary to some “church” culture/media. I don’t care who you are or where you’ve been, if you’re an adult human you’ve committed adultery in the sight of God. When Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount (go read Matthew 5-7 for reference), he crushed any confusion there could be regarding our spiritual disposition before a holy and perfect God; namely that our sin (sexual in this case) comes from our hearts (i.e. lust), and our subsequent actions are merely physical extensions of that internal sin. This article isn’t meant to be a treatise on the Christian doctrine of sin, but it is meant to dispel any notion that virgin or otherwise, we’re all guilty of sexual sin of the heart; sin deservedly punishable by eternal damnation.


This reality is important, because it puts us all on level ground. From the most decadent prostitute to the Pope himself (yes the Pope has lusted before, and I’m sure he’d be the first to admit it) we’re all equally in need of divine forgiveness for breaking the perfect law of righteousness. This means we can approach the whole abstinence issue all in the same boat without these petty “moral superiority” arguments. That said, the physical consequences of our sexual decisions, both good and bad, are most definitely markedly different. And despite the fact I finally invoked spiritual dogma into my arguements (an ultimately necessary component I believe) it is precisely these non-spiritual consequences that I regard as very strong impetuses to seek the good. But that is for another conversation.

1 comment:

  1. It's interesting to think we are all on level ground. It is true, but interesting. I think all too often we forget who Jesus hung out with. He, above all, had the right to put himself on a pedestal, but never did. And when given the opportunity to cast the first stone, He forgave. There is hardly a need to apologize to each other for our lives but always a need to constantly seek forgiveness from God for our sinful nature and praise His plan for our perfection.

    I find it odd when people apologize for cussing or for living their lives differently because in an earthly sense I'm sometimes jealous. Sometimes I wish I had the excuse of not knowing Christ so that when I make mistakes I can just say, "well I didn't know any better." That's not to say that I don't praise God daily for my life, thank Him that I do know Him, and the way he has led my life...but it's just an odd contrast that I battle with more than I would like to. It's a harsh reality of living in a fallen world.

    It's also important to note, which you have already, that this it is a choice. I wasn't born with a desire to not be sexually active, it's quite the opposite. But have chosen that it's an act for marriage...

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