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Friday, August 6, 2010

Why Married Guys Have Really Dropped the Ball

Oh how soon they forget… Obviously one of the benefits of being married is that you have someone to have sex with and have it sanctioned by the only governing body in the cosmos that matters. Sure outside of marriage you can have sex, but inside you can do it without all the guilt, shame, emotional toll, etc.; so it’s a much more desirable arrangement. It’s not a huge secret also that this is a big motivating factor for a lot of guys too get married; at least ones that have chosen to wait till marriage to have sex. It may even be a factor as to why some couples get married pretty young…but I don’t get that. Anyways, I know, despite many ignorant youthful males who may think otherwise going into marriage (partly as a result of the propaganda machine that is our porno-fied, over-sexed culture), sex within marriage isn’t a 24-hour, 7-days a week service offering. That said there are at least some hours of operation though…

I heard from many married men that, again contrary to what many ignorant males going into marriage think (as well as their uber-ignorant fianc├ęs – which I blame the guy for not being open and honest about the whole lust issue with beforehand, because how otherwise would a girl know how deviant the male mind is? Yes your guy too), that the whole lust issue doesn’t just magically go away because you get married. Fair enough. But as is the case with almost all married men that say that, they’ve really dropped the ball for all the rest of us if that’s where they end it. Sure you may not be able to have sex every time you want to in your marriage, and your wife may have a headache or be too tired more often than you’d like, and the new hot secretary may be causing you to dwell too much, but you know what… You have a freaking outlet!
Imagine for a moment married guys if someone told you you couldn’t have sexual relations with your wife anymore. A marriage deal-breaker? Of course not. But a major bummer? Yup. Welcome to our world…the world you so quickly forgot about.

Married guys have really dropped the ball because they fail to go on after saying lust is still a temptation that despite the temptation it is still nice to be able to have an outlet once in a while. And that they have a markedly distinct advantage in overcoming sexual temptations because of that fact. Heck, even if you’ve done it once…you did it at least once. This business is that we’re still all in the “lust temptation is hard for all of us” boat is a load. I’m not trying to marginalize the fact that the same temptations are there for married guys…but golly gee, if I knew sometime in the somewhat immediate, and at the very least near to moderately near future, I could have unashamed, God-authorized sex with my wife…man that would make things a whole freaking lot easier (ladies do your best to stay physically attractive to your husband for this reason). We single guys have nothing. Absolutely nothing. Let me repeat that; we single guys have nothing. No sanctioned outlet for sexual desire exists whatsoever. Did I mention we have no sexual outlet; that doesn’t bring with it some form of shame or guilt of course? How quickly you forgot...

People that think guys like me are stuffy, stifled, and sexually-frustrated up to the wazoo are totally right in thinking so. It’s not like this volitional lifestyle is fun or that I’m doing it because I like it. (But by the grace and power of God do I go on so).

Is there a moral to the story? I don’t know. I guess if I could say anything to married guys is don’t play the “we’re in it together” game…because we’re not. We are two totally different kind of guys - and we will never be able to relate completely because of that fact (married guys, if you're drifting away in friendship with one of your single friends...this could be a portion of why that is, because they know the game has changed but you may not realize it). Perhaps you can try to remember how it was like to be single and outletless, perhaps not. But just don’t play the "we're still the same" card; it’s just patronizing. I guess the second thing you could do is just do your best to empathize with us that are in a much much more disadvantaged situation in our joint desires to “flee the sinful pleasures of this world” – one that you were in too not so long ago. Also don’t give the “you’ll be married one day too” spiel either. Giving a guy advice on expectations that are neither guaranteed, nor needed, is not cool.
I don’t know, I don’t have an answer to this. I just feel about it like I just described above. Married guys don’t realize, or just forget, how much of an advantage they really do have in these battles – and they rarely (I’ve never heard ‘em say) ever acknowledge that fact. And please don’t think I’m upset at them for having that advantage. By no means. I just hate how a lot of em either are oblivious to it, or act as if it’s not much a difference. I guess in a society where most post-pubescent guys are banging around there isn’t much difference. Which always begs the question to ignorant me why most people not interested in the whole "sanctity of marriage and committment factor" even bother geting married anymore. Is the tax break that great?


  1. Author's Note:
    I know I can sound harsh towards married guys here. Believe me, I love my married guy friends and hold no ill-will toward any one individual or anything. My only intent here, and with this blog/book as a whole, is to maybe bring to light things that have remained hidden or marginalized by society, the Church, etc.

  2. Get married or become a Catholic Priest. Then you can harass the married guys.

  3. Apologies may have missed the overriding intent I had with this article...which is to enlighten those that are married towards the metal disparity that exists between married and non-married guys; and how quickly I've observed married guys forget said prior state (and perhaps an encouragement to take responsibility and accountability for that oversight, especially when in mentorship-type positions, i.e. youth leaders, pastors, teachers, etc.). There's no harassment going on here and I'm slightly confused how you didn't realize that based on my previous dipositions. As any Catholic priest, or any other volitional virgin, will tell you though - it is an extremely difficult virture/discipline to practice; these thoughts are merely reflections of the highs, lows, and heavenly blows of that practice.

  4. I wonder if Elton John "waited" until he got married? You know he just had a baby not too long ago! I love the British Royals!!!!!