Monday, December 5, 2011
Sigh...another virgin stereotype confirmed. Most virgins are sexually ignorant folk.
Not trying to pick on this show again, or this particular couple (I’m on their side), TLC’s The Virgin Diaries, but this most recent “realization” by the previously virginal couple manifests what’s wrong with the existing volitionally virginal population.
The couple is not to be at fault for their lack of experience; that is to be expected. What irks me is this element of surprise they exhibit. I mean did you actually think your first time having sex would be like its portrayed in the movies and TV? Are you ignorant enough to think those mediums are accurate representations of real life? Come on kids.
Abstinence, as with all things, comes with it an element of ignorance sure. If I abstain from ever eating mushrooms, sure I don’t know what that mushroom tastes like or exactly how to properly eat it when I do, but I sure as heck know I won’t double in size with the ability to smash bricks with my head and smush Goombas with my feet. In the same way, a virgin will not know the inner workings of sexual intimacy; that is a given. But to think it will be some supernaturally magical experience that will change your life forever? Come on. That’s as ignorant as girl thinking once they get married their husbands lust problem will be over.
Yet that is what we’re taught, whether explicitly or implicitly. Whether it be from inside the walls of a church or just a Disney classic (implicit of course); that the first sexual experience is supposed to a magical, life-changing one right? Who is propagating this? Let me disclaim that I’m not trying to marginalize the experience or the undergirding principles of purity and integrity here; not at all. I’m just saying to expect anything more than a most likely pseudo-awkward, probably confusing, mildly terse affair (albeit hopefully somewhat pleasurable) for two virgins going at it for the first time (one non-virgin may help out) is ignorant and immature at best. We need to be better than that. That sort of pie-in-the-sky ignorance will garner no such respect from an already mocking and skeptical world. We need to have better awareness of our sexuality.
Note also that guys have a distinct advantage in this area of awareness being that most likely they’ve “experienced” the crux of the engagement, and its brevity, many times before on their own.
Again, this realization isn’t to marginalize or discredit the institution of marriage whatsoever. In fact, it actually gives weight to the aged-old principle of monogamous establishments. What better institution to build, cultivate, and refine a relationship not only emotionally, but sexually, then in the committed, long-term, covenant of marriage? You’re supposed to be a sexual neophyte the first time you have it. But what a great way to develop that aspect of the relationship in a life-long marital relationship. Of course you could “refine” you sexual skills outside of marriage, but the one main difference is in marriage you can do it guilt and shame-free (not to mention a host of other benefits). And that my folks is what I'm banking on to be worth the price of admission.