Friday, February 24, 2012
…parents’ only way to find out the gender of their unborn child was to…well, have it. There were no “hospitals” for much of human history and even if there were, the advent of sonographic technologies is only perhaps half a century old at most; for obstetric purposes even younger. And though I’m all for taking advantage of technological advances (I mean they didn’t have video games for millennia but I wholeheartedly promote the use of them), I feel there are a few that hinder life’s experiences, in this case impending parenthood, and I believe finding out the gender of a coming baby whilst still incubating is one of them. In the same principle, having sex before marriage I believe would seriously diminish one of the strongest motivators within the process of dating, betrothal, and in the relational culmination of marriage.
As I perceive, the reason many couples (a majority?) find out the sex of their baby before its born is primarily for planning purposes (I could be wrong as this is mostly anecdotal evidence). The reasoning seems to be that if you know the sex of the baby beforehand, you can prepare more easily in terms of buying clothes, setting up the baby room, etc. Though this may be true, I feel by letting the cat out of the bag before the actual birth, you’re really lessening the impact and excitement the birth would bring if you just waited. Despite planning advantages knowing would create, they would only be minor to moderate at best. Buying clothes for an infant can’t be that difficult, most other items like transportation and furniture are unisex, and you’ll be washing the same onesy a couple times a day anyways so who cares? Why mitigate completely such a monumental moment, something that could enliven the pregnancy for both the mom (mostly the mom) and dad till the end (most women seem they would shave their head if it meant the baby coming out in those last few weeks) just for some light planning convenience? I don’t know, finding out the gender months before just seems to make the actual birth fairly anti-climatic and rudimentary.
As I also perceive, the reason many couples have pre-marital sex is because they don’t want to wait and either can’t, or choose not to, control themselves. I understand the desire and weakness aspects (believe me I can empathize), but (in addition to a plethora of other reasons) in the same way I would not want to know the sex of the baby before it is born because I believe it diminishes the excitement of the birth event, I would not want to have sex before the marriage event because of how much it would diminish the effect and excitement as well. Regardless of one’s moral stance on the issue, it remains a sound psychological effect that once a person engages in an event the first time, the subsequent times that they engage in it will become more familiar. I don’t want familiarity on my wedding night, just like I don’t want familiarity with the sex of my baby when it’s born. I want adventurous, unknown, excited speculation (within reasonable control…yes, I know the act of sex is neither life-changing or more than very temporally euphoric). Not only do I believe would this make the wedding night more enjoyable, but I think it adds to the wonder and elation of the whole dating and betrothal periods. I mean the whole time you have something very romantic and erotic to look forward to. It keeps you motivated and driven. If you’ve already done it, what more is there to do? How can you more physically manifest your love (hopefully love) toward another individual? The answer is you can’t; ergo why sex within marriage is held as such a premium by many. I guess you could do it again and again…but the novelty of sharing thee pinnacle of human relational interaction is gone.
Now this isn’t to make people that get married as non-virgins feel bad. It’s merely to point out an indisputable fact that it will not be as “impactful” just as if driving a Ferrari the second time won’t be as “new” an experience as the first time. Of course there are counter-points to made (too many to address here), but my disposition remains hopefully clear; I don’t want to know the gender of my baby before I see him or her the first time. I want to be blown away by the big “reveal” after the whole pregnancy “marathon” my wife and I had just gone through. In the same way, I want to be able to look forward to the foreign pleasure that sex would be. It keeps the pre-marital relationship fresh and edgy, and it offers potentially one of the greatest of “reveals”…though perhaps not as great as seeing your little one’s face for the first time…
*Why yes, I did manage to fit a relevant picture from Lost into this entry ;)