Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The Uncomfortable Lull of Never-Married Singlehood
This is slightly off topic but I feel as if I’ve started to enter what I call “The Uncomfortable Lull of Never-Married Singlehood.” You reach a point in which is seems that most of your friends and peers have either got married or are getting married soon. Sure there are some well-to-do folks that are still unmarried as you get to your early-to-mid thirties, but I’d say the majority have already been married. This creates a pseudo-uncomfortable state for a never-married single because people start to wonder (at least start to overtly; it’s possible they’ve been thinking this for years now) as to why you yourself have not got married. Sometimes it comes in an innocent “Are you thinking about it?” to a more pointed, “So when are you getting married?” In addition to this subtle relational pariah state, I’m starting to enter the territory where friends and peers of mine not only have been married and divorced once, but are starting to consider or pursue re-marriage. The discomfort in this case can be compounded even more, especially if you hold to a more traditional, conservative view of the whole moral topic of divorce and remarriage.
Now this isn’t necessarily a complaint per se, and this newfound state isn’t exactly difficult to navigate – as I feel, and have always felt, very secure in my relational state of singlehood and do not feel overly pressured by any person or society to get moving on the marriage forum. As wonderful as it may be to be so confident in my state and as much as yes, I do I very much desire to be married (not the least of which reason related to this whole blog’s primary topic), I refuse to pursue, however foreign to my Christian peer culture, the institution of marriage apart from divine intervention. Whether that comes in transcendental fashion or a simple realization on my own part I cannot say, but this new territory regarding my mostly married and/or divorced peer culture has manifested some new thoughts and feelings about the world in which I live, adult relationships in general, and even human sexuality as we humans enter mid-life.