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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Chapter 4 - Sexually frustrated? Hell yes I am.

Except from Chapter 4...

            Think of desires you have that you abstain from for an extended period of time; be it food, TV, or some other pleasure, guilty or not.  Think of how with each passing moment of restraint you become so much more acutely aware of your desire for that pleasure.  Now think of how pleasurable that activity or experience is and project that desire as if you’ve never had it?  Pretty intense feeling eh?  Continuing this theme of dearth, think of things you’ve had a taste of, but have never really partaken in it properly or had the real McCoy.  For example, think of having had a steak at the borderline fast-food steakhouse but never having had the properly prepared and succulent steaks they serve you at Morton’s.  That’s sort of how it is for the volitional virgin.  Chances are you’ve had a “taste” of sexual activity, be it as “simple” as kissing a girl after dropping her off after your first date to a full on make-out session.  I’ve had my fair share of aforementioned sexual activity, but I’ve never had the real “steak”.  How frustrating is that?  Very.  Further, I’ve also had my fair share of personal pleasure sessions so I know what it feels like to go the whole nine yards in at least one fashion, albeit very limited in the relational aspect it was inherently meant to contain.  But even experiencing that woefully emotionally and spiritually inadequate sexual release drives one mad, because I know its human sexual pleasure limits are constrained only to the physical.   I mean merely tasting the emotional intimacy involved in even a goodnight kiss of someone you love is worlds more satisfying than placating my carnal self and shame.  I don’t give a flying fig how many sexual encounters some guy has had…devoid of emotional intimacy those encounters are fleeting base chemical interactions of no redeeming value, completely “missing the point”.  In my own frustration, I’ve missed the point more times than I care to admit.

            I feel as if there is this false assumption out there that virgins aren’t sexually frustrated because they don’t even know what their missing.  Balderdash.  Sure we haven’t had the fine “steak” of human sexuality, but boy have I had a potent inkling of what it’d be like since I was 16.  And therein lies the crux of the frustration.  We know what we’re missing out on…basically.  And though the principle overriding that abstinent mentality supersedes our very strong carnal desire, that desire remains and is hella frustrating sometimes.

            Here’s the identification of a couple of aspects of that frustration that manifest in everyday life because of a choice to remain sex-free until the night of the wedding.


            They say that people who restrain from addictive habits deal with strong kickback desires and other negative side-effects from that addictive habit.  This sometimes overwhelming desire to reengage with said habit can elicit strong forms of resentment and even anger towards the ideal of restraining oneself from partaking in it.  A smoker may get really testy when they decided to kick the habit cold turkey after having had two packs a day for ten years.  Those first few days for that person can be hell; and that hellish experience often manifests in the form of an irritable persona.  The same can be said regarding sexual abstinence.  By resisting the sexual urge that seems to never go away (at least in males…damn virility), that essence of frustration can easily morph into a gloomy, surly, and even angry disposition.  This inevitably affects the way you behave around others in your day to day life.  I know some newly quit smokers have a very hard time of it dealing with human interaction, not because they’re normally jerks, but because the absence of the very activity they found some much solace in for whatever reason, dictates almost every moment in life they have.  Sometimes they end up taking it out on others, whether they intend to or not.  They say to identify idols in our lives think of the things you don’t think you could live without.

            I’m frankly surprised I’m not considered a jerk by anyone and everyone I know.  The incessant sexual frustration I deal with on a daily basis is that potent sometimes.  That said, I do realize that sexual activity, though so carnally appealing and fleshly attractive, has its importance limits.  As C.S. Lewis said, “There are many things above it (romantic love), and there are many things below it”.  This realization that sex is not the end all be all is really the only that grounds my disposition.  Treating people respectfully and with love is clearly an overriding principle than any pursuit or desire I could selfishly have.  That and you learn to bury the frustration deep down, and even convert it into motivation.  Sometimes I don’t think my potential future wife will ever have an idea of how much I wanted to do it with her.

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