Thursday, July 12, 2012
No Sex? No Problem: Addendum
Though the previous version of this topic indicated essentially the realization that “life goes on” sans sex, it doesn’t mean abstaining from it is easy. Regarding this difficult state of volition, there’s an internal debate I often have regarding which is more difficult to do; abstain from sex as a virgin, or abstain from sex as a non-virgin? They I presume are both very difficult, for different reasons though. A virgin finds it difficult because they’ve never done it. They do not know what it is like and pure curiosity, not to mention repressed hormones in overdrive and potential extreme love for another and the desire to express the pinnacle of that love, is an extremely magnetic force. The non-virgin has had sex though, and knows of its pleasure. Abstaining from it is abstaining from something you’ve already experienced and know to be, at the very least, a very physically pleasurable experience. We humans find it difficult to willfully abstain from pleasurable experiences in life no matter what they are.
In the end though, I still think it is easier for a non-virgin to abstain than a virgin. The reason I think this is two-fold. First, the non-virgin knows what it’s like to have sex. This makes it difficult to exhibit self control in the future yes, but the non-virgin has, for better or for worse, a more realistic view of sex. They know that despite being a great experience (hopefully), it still is just a temporal experience, and one that does not dictate the health of a relationship or success and fulfillment in one’s life in general. They also know it is not as a “life-changing” experience as culture makes it out to be. I’m sure losing one’s virginity is significant in one’s life, but considering all the hoopla surrounding the pursuit of that loss within society and pop-culture, non-virgins know it’s not that big a deal. You’re still the same person you were yesterday and are still in the same life. There are many things more important in life than having sex a non-virgin would understand. This temperance of expectations must make it easier to resist.
The other side of it being more difficult for virgins is as aforementioned; they don’t know what it’s like. The curiosity factor and most assuredly unrealistic, or at least very high, expectations often drown out the reason faculties of even the more grounded individual. As a virgin I surely know it’s not as a life-changing experience as it’s often made out to be. I know that it won’t “complete” some sexual phantom quest we’re all apparently in. And I know having sex or not has absolutely no bearing on my masculinity or character traits regarding integrity-laced manhood. That said, when you’ve never had sex, especially in the context of constant defense against the never-ending onslaught of promotion in the society you live in, knowledge often takes a back seat to sexual curiosity and temptation. I know it won’t change my life, but I really really want to do it anyway. I know there may be some grave consequences, but it’s so easy to cast them off into some figurative “tomorrowland”. The guy that’s already driven the Lamborghini surely would like to take a few more laps with it. But the guy who has yet to turn the key, fire up the engine, and squeal the tires in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd…well let’s just say he’s a little more itchin’ for it.